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Last Year's Holiday Party

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Lzcutter
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Last Year's Holiday Party

Postby Lzcutter » November 25th, 2007, 6:45 pm

Here is the post about last year's CCC holiday party. I didn't want it to get lost when we abandoned yahoo!

Dear Dean Finnie,
We hope you had a wonderful Holiday.

We in the Film Restoration Department are deeply chagrined that our Holiday party resulted in such mayhem that the local authorities had to be called.

With that said, we would like for you to hear our side of the story. Originally, we had a very small gathering planned. Our bookkeeper, one Mrs. Dubois, wanted us to be able to pay for our own party this year instead of relying on the kindness of strangers and regular donors.

As you hopefully recall, Professor Darrin McGavin, of the Leisure Arts Department, and one of his top students, Jarhfive/Rusty, had designed a lamp in the shape of a woman’s leg. It turned out to be quite a seller. Professor Cary Grant ordered a couple dozen to give as Christmas gifts. Once word circulated around about the artistry involved in the making of the leg, well, sales went through the roof. Professor McGavin and Rusty had to call in the cavalry, so to speak, and Matthelm and JonParker were able to help in the production of the lamps.

We had faculty, staff and a few students lined up on the last day so buyers could pay for and pick up their lamps. We had no idea so much money would be made. Mrs. Dubois and her assistant, MrsL, were busy taking the money and writing receipts. Every time they could catch a break, they would hand the extra cash off so that the cash box would not be over-flowing. Unfortunately, they handed the cash off to Professors William Powell and Myrna Loy. They, in turn, had Professor Thomas Mitchell help them in counting the cash.

Well we got so busy that no one noticed that the trio had left the building. At the end of the day, we were all exhausted from all that packing,taping and writing Fragile (that's Italian, you know) on the boxes, when what to our wonderous eyes should appear but the three professors with enough alcohol to drown eight large reindeer (or so we thought).

Professor Mitchell and Matthelm set up the bar. Music Professors Dean Martin and Sinatra argued over who should be the bartender. Luckily, that was solved when one of our more creative staff members, Kyle (did you know he was from Hollywood?), stepped forward and took charge of the bar. Not only is he from Hollywood but he is quite an accomplished bartender!

Well, Professor Grant returned bringing Professor Katherine Hepburn and James “Call me Jimmy” Stewart with him. While Professor Grant was quite taken with Ms. Hepburn, she seemed to only have eyes for Mr. Stewart. Mr. Stewart kept trying to introduce everyone to his friend, Harvey. Harvey, for the record, is a large pooka. Luckily this crowd did not seem to care.

By the time I turned around, the conference room was filled with so many people it looked like George Bailey’s living room on Christmas Eve. I still am not sure where they all came from. I promise you we did not advertise that we were having a Holiday party but everyone on campus seemed to know and be in attendance.

We were wondering what we should do for food, especially with all that liquor flowing, when through the door came the Dolly Sisters, and saints be praised, Chef Felix. “Cuddles” sent the Dolly Sisters over to the piano to sing with Sinatra and Martin, grabbed the Head of Home Economics, Marjorie Main, and disappeared.

It was only a short time later they appeared with trays and trays of food. The party was in full swing. Our favorite journalism professor, Larryvecchio, came in and regaled everyone with stories of his recent trip to Russia. The downside to that was hearing the stories of a couple of staff members, Sig Rumann and Alexander Granach who got very teary-eyed and began reminiscing about some woman named Ninotchka.

Somewhere along the way, Professor Hepburn and Mr. Stewart made good their escape (leaving Harvey behind to charm the Dean of Psychology). No one saw them leave and no one is owning up to where they were going.

Well, the wine kept flowing, Kyle kept serving and “Cuddles” kept the food coming. Professor Barbara Stanwyck was overheard at one point complaining about Professor Fred McMurray being obsessed with her. Needless to say, Miss Theresa Harris (who insisted upon being called Chico) replied that perhaps it was Prof. Stanwyck who was obsessed with men and not Professor McMurray’s fault. That caused those gathered around the piano to start singing “St. Louis Blues”. Another reveler was heard to say “Do it again, I like it” only to be silenced by one of the best students in our department, filmlover, who growled “You’ve got the wrong movie”.

Well, everyone was having a swell time. Those professional vaudevillians, the Marx Brothers were everywhere. Groucho was talking to one of our most beneficial donors, Margaret Dumont, Harpo was chasing the female wait staff and brother Chico was trying to push Professor Sinatra off the piano.

Drama teacher Humphrey Bogart finally snarled at him to back off. Mrs. Bogart, the lovely Lauren, found comfortable seating on top of the piano and encouraged the carolers to keep singing. Professors Garland, Martin and Sinatra were singing a wonderful version of “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” when the Drama Dean Emeritus, Spencer Tracey, came in looking for Professor Hepburn.

A hush fell over the room as we all have the utmost respect for Dean Tracey but none of us knew where Professor Hepburn was. Emeritus Dean Tracey stormed off, muttering that Professor Hepburn was the love of his life and he would find her.

It was about that time that we began to hear laughter from the indoor pool. We have long complained about having the Film Preservation Dept. so near the indoor pool and all that water, but I digress. Professor Hepburn and James “Call me Jimmy” Stewart seemed to be having a very good time swimming in the pool. Some of the female faculty became concerned that neither Professor Grant nor Emeritus Dean Tracey would view this in a favorable light and left the party to try and coax Professor Hepburn out of the pool.

If our troubles had ended there, all would have been right with the world but, unfortunately, our luck was not to hold.

Handyman Walter Brennan came in and kept asking all the guests if they had ever been bit by a dead bee. This perplexed most of our partygoers. However, Mrs. Bogart, the lovely Lauren, knew the answer. Professor Grant's brother, Teddy, kept rushing up the stairs yelling "Charge" and then blowing his bugle. It caused quite a commotion.

About that time, Harpo Marx was chasing a half dozen female staff members, someone stepped on Asta’s tail and he let out the worst howl, which caused Professors Powell and Loy to drop their martinis and come running, Professor Bette Davis declared “what a dump” because we had failed to decorate to her taste and Professor Mickey Rooney kept trying to convince everyone that we could put on a show using the old barn and some props. Professor Grant went ballistic when his two aunts from Brooklyn suggested serving their elderberry wine as a nightcap.

I vaguely remember hearing a group singing Russian folksongs in one corner, in another Victor Frankenstein and his monster were dancing to “Puttin’ on the Ritz” only to be told by Clark Gable and his dancers that they had the lyrics wrong. Tempers flared.

I’m not sure what happened next I suspect that old busybody Miss Gulch (She really needs to get some sort of life) may have something to do with it but the next thing any of us knew the police sirens were wailing and Bert the Cop was threatening to take us all to jail unless we came to our senses.

The party began to break up and everyone began to find their way towards the door. “Cuddles” said he might be back for the Valentine’s Day party if the Dolly Sisters weren’t in Europe, Sinatra and Martin kept talking about playing Las Vegas together, Professor Grant was threatening to do bodily harm to James “Call me Jimmy” Stewart and never saw Professor Hepburn smiling radiantly and leaving with Dean Tracey.

As Professor Bogart and Mrs. Bogart, the lovely Lauren, were leaving, Bert the cop stopped them. Overlooking the damage done to the conference room and all the happy revelers passed out on the furniture, Bert was heard to ask “What caused all this”?

“The stuff dreams are made of” Professor Bogart replied before slipping into the holiday night with his lovely wife.

The last we saw, they were hurrying to catch up with Dean Tracey and Ms. Hepburn.

So that, Dean Finnie, is our story, meager though it may be. Any damages to the furniture or the conference room (we have heard tales of a food fight, a singing contest between the free French and Germans that may have gotten out of hand, a brawl or two between Wrestling Coach Victor MacLaglen and everyone else and a shouting match between between Ross Penell and Flint Cohill), we will gladly try to cover with more sales of the lovely “leg” lamp.

Also, one of our students, JackBurley has had some wonderful ideas for marketing the films we are restoring and those funds may be enough to cover damages for this year’s party and still have enough in the kitty to cover next year’s party as well.

Thank you for your understanding.

Respectively,

The Film Restoration Department staff
Lynn in Lake Balboa

"Film is history. With every foot of film lost, we lose a link to our culture, to the world around us, to each other and to ourselves."

"For me, John Wayne has only become more impressive over time." Marty Scorsese

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