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Confidential, to Asst. Dean Cutter: FYEO !

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klondike

Confidential, to Asst. Dean Cutter: FYEO !

Postby klondike » May 4th, 2008, 12:11 pm

[Reading this means that I found that Carpenter lad (you know, skinny boy, glee club, sings that chimp song?), and that he actually found you with this note - I was heading over to the bicycle-courier campus office with this, but with Proctor Duryea and those fed snoops all over everywhere this afternoon, well, I figured I couldn't be too careful . . ]
Lynn, I think I've gotten most of this all figured out -
That little creep Duryea has been making a pest of himself ever since Pr. Heston's funeral . . sneakin' around, trying to cozy up to Jenksie & Bob Armstrong down in the Motor Pool, runnin' chocolates & flowers up to Eve & Thelma at the Administration office, just so he can snoop around and eavesdrop on calls . . and all the time tryin' to dream up new excuses to review personnel files up in Security, usually when Bill Hopper is out on patrol . .
And all the while, Bill & Vic McLaglen & I have been getting together nightly at the Pig & Whistle, trying to make sense between ourselves over Chuck Heston's passing . . 'cause it never added-up that he could really have demolished that old Indian motorbike like that; he'd driven Deadman's Curve plenty of times, in all sorts of weather, and Vic himself called Chuck one of the best dam' hogriders he'd ever partnered with, and he should know; and Bill opined more than once that he felt the whole "closed coffin" thing was suspect, and the way the family attorney hadn't allowed Pr. Price to be the lead mortician, as has always been CCC tradition, and how his old buddy Bob Mitchum had never turned up for the funeral, or the Campus memorial service, or the faculty Fellowship afterward . .
Anyway just 2 hours ago I got a call from old Pop Spooner down at the malt shop, that Prof MacMurray was down there on one of his caffeine binges and talkin' up some pretty strange stuff . . so I tried callin' Bill over at Security, worried that this might have to do with the whole Faylen-Flubber caper from last year . . and Bill's gal Friday, Sue-Sue, answers, and whispers to me that the whole floor is crawlin' with G-Men, and that they're seizing everything, and grilling Bill on 4 or 5 different topics . . and the line goes dead!
So I beat feet over to Spooner's myself, and there's old Fred all jumpy and jerky, rattlin' on about all his discoveries, and inventions, his Uncle Bub & his Uncle Charlie, and I do my best to calm him down, and get him switched over to water, and cool-rag his forehead, and then I start pumping him about what's going on, and I find out that it all started just after lunch, when a certain Proctor Duryea waylaid MacMurry behind the band recital stage - with a big thermos of double-strength espresso!
What a little weasel!
Anyway, I did my best then to pry loose from the Prof what it was that Duryea wanted from him; condensed version: Duryea wanted to know all about MacMurray's trip out to Utah last year, and those rumors about speed-tests on experimental cars, and why one of the Motor Pool mechanics hadn't come back East with him afterward, and why was Pr. Ankrum vacationing with several Pentagon acquaintances in Utah at the same time . . I was flabbergasted, Lynn; there was no telling what-all the Prof had blabbed - I asked him what he thought had made Duryea so suspicious about those matters, and get this- he says: "Well, I guess I might have mentioned those things in the scientific papers I published this Spring in various scientific journals . . . "
And then I remembered what a steadfast rival of MacMurray's that Pr. Lorre is, and how he often plays golf with Proctor Duryea . . and then the lights started going on! So on a hunch, I asked Fred if there was anything he hadn't told devilish Dan while on his mad caffeine jag, and he thought a bit, and then said: "Well, matter of fact, I said nothing about those German scientists who called from Lima, and wanted to invite me down to Peru for a private symposium at their special foundation for advanced physics; all expenses paid, and I'm supposed to leave . . oh, just next week . . but they said to keep the whole matter a secret!"
"And did you keep it completely secret?" I asked him.
"Well . . mostly; it was just troubling me, because, it sounded, well, sort of political; so, I turned for advice to the only one I thought could really figure it out . ."
But I was ahead of him now: "And that was Pr. Heston."
"Yes", MacMurray admitted; "and he said he had a special friend who would keep our secret, but help him look into it;" he started sobbing hysterically then and sputtered out: "but now he's dead!"
So at this point, looking out the window & noticing more & more black government sedans pulling-up to more & more Campus buildings, I gave Pop Spooner a couple twenties, told him to lock-up for the day & walk the Prof over to the faculty lounge at the Music & Arts Compound.
Five minutes later, I was strolling into the Pig & Whistle, when Lucius beckons me up to the bar and slips me an envelope.
"I got this today, see, and inside it says to relay the photo & note to Bill over at Security, but I understand he's a little tied up this afternoon, right? So I figgered you're the next eligible receiver!"
Lynn, I nearly passed out: the contents were a big, fresh, tourist-type b&w photo, medium close-up, glossy, you know, with the pinked edges? It clearly shows Bob Mitchum, wearing a ridiculous straw hat, standing on the beach, holding up a newspaper, his arm around his companion, none other than our own Pr. C. Heston, sporting oversized sunglasses and displaying a still-hooked tarpon. Borrowing Lucius' reading glasses from behind the bar, I magnified the paper in the photo: an English edition of the Mazatlan Mirror, dated 4 days ago - then I turned the photo over already knowing what I'd find stamped there: compliments of Morro's Lodge.
Chuck's alive! At Morro's Lodge!
Morro's Lodge: where Bob & Vince Price used to like to go holidaying with that hot-pistol Russell gal . . Morro's is in Mexico, I mused . . same place we packed Frankie F. off to, after those speed trials . . I looked at the not-so-close man in the background, behind Bob & Chuck, gazing out to sea . . hmmm, that physique did seem somewhat familiar, and the hair was thinning . .
The enclosed note read: "Having great time - wish you were here! Headed south day after tomorrow - going hunting!"
South? How far south? Peru?
And hunting what - expatriate Nazis?!!
Lynn, the east end of the quad below my office window's filling up with Government types - I just saw one of them leading Pr. Ankrum away in handcuffs - and I can't raise Dean Finnie anywhere by phone, and now Bill's been completely sequestered!
What do we do??

Faithfully, but Perplexedly Yours,
Pr. Klondike

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Lzcutter
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Postby Lzcutter » May 5th, 2008, 8:19 pm

Confidential Memo

To: Prof. Klondike

From: LzCutter, Dean of Film Preservation and Restoration



Received your note though that Carpenter lad tried to sing its contents to me to the tune of "Under the Bamboo Tree". Is that young man all there? Coach Marvin almost burst a blood vessel listening to the first verse.

Luckily, I grabbed the note away from the young man and left him with Coach Marvin where I believe that Lee tried to talk to him about the big baseball game coming up.

Re: your note.

Please dispatch Filmlover over to Bill's Office immediately and make sure Sue-Sue is okay or if she needs help. I tried calling over there but the phone line is infernally busy and I don't like the sounds of that at all. Thelma and Eve say that they have not been able to unearth any scuttlebutt so that gives us both an idea of how tight the lid is on things.

As for the Feds, there are days when I wonder if Prof. McMurray is really worth all this trouble. Flubber, rubber, whatever. As much as I would just like to hand him over to Prof. Stanwyck and let her get her claws into him, Dean Finnie says that is not an option.

Why? Well it seems that Sheldrake, our most beneficent donor at Paramount Pictures, has been talking to Uncle Walt Disney about our Absent Minded Professor and now Disney is contemplating making a comedy about our addled brained professor. Go figure.

As for that heretic Duryea, I would be very happy to let Lee, Coach Johnson and the rest of the Coaching staff (including Vic MacLaglen) take him to the back 40 (where his sniveling can't be overheard by students or the townsfolk) and beat some sense into the man.

We should have bounced his sorry carcass out of here last year but there is no denying that the weasel has some great connections and nepotism being what it is, effectively ties our hands and forces us to keep him.

About the end of your note.

Are you serious? Chuck is alive and slumming with Prof. Mitchum? I am thrilled that news of our revered dynamo's demise is greatly overblown.

You are hereby instructed to head down to Morro's Lodge and bring the two rascals back before right away. Should you need money, I have been authorized to have you access the Sheldrake slush fund (the all secret one) to help you er, bribe your way through any difficulties.

Please let me know when you are headed back with those two fun-lovers as we would like to give Chuck the type of welcome home he deserves.

As for Mitchum, we will let Dean Finnie deal with him.

Should you require any muscle or back-up, please be careful who you approach as we don't word of this leaking out. I would recommend not taking Coach Johnson because he and Mitchum together would just lead to one long brawling fight that would likely end you all up in the local hoosgow.

I will leave it up to you to decide who to approach.

Please take care and please let me know that Sue-Sue is okay. Is there anything we can do for Bill Hopper? I can call my brother, Judge Priest, if need be to intervene on Bill's behalf. Billy Priest has no love for the Feds, that's for sure.

Also, please let me know when you are headed back with our two wayward fellows.

Best of luck and god speed.

Yours,

Dean LzCutter
Lynn in Lake Balboa

"Film is history. With every foot of film lost, we lose a link to our culture, to the world around us, to each other and to ourselves."

"For me, John Wayne has only become more impressive over time." Marty Scorsese

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mrsl
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Postby mrsl » May 7th, 2008, 10:47 pm

Now Lynn:

I don't know about all that other federal stuff but you know perfectly well that any hi-jinks concerning Prof. Mitchum and/or Coach Johnson should be referred immediately to me for clarification and settlement. Mr. Heston is a new recruit but I'm sure I can add him to the ranks for the training I offer. His physique, voice, blue eyes, and Roman nose all add to the generalities all of my team exhibit, and he shall fit in nicely. I am always looking to add to my B&B staff.

Sincerely,

Mrs. L.
Campus, B&B, Proprietress

cc: M. Finnie, Klondike
Anne


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Sue Sue Applegate
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Postby Sue Sue Applegate » May 11th, 2008, 1:29 am

CONFIDENTIAL MEMO TO : DEAN LZCUTTER, PROFESSOR KLONDIKE,
DEAN FINNIE AND THE HONORABLE MRSL

FROM: SUE SUE APPLEGATE, ASSISTANT TO SECURITY CHIEF WILLIAM HOPPER

I AM HURRIEDLY JOTTING DOWN THIS MEMO TO INFORM YOU THAT, YES INDEEDY, OUR OFFICE IS OVERRUN WITH G-MEN QUESTIONING ABOUT SECRET FORMULAS, SEARCHING FILES, CASTING ACCUSATORY GLANCES, AND ASKING FOR MCMURRAY'S SECRET FORMULAS, THE EXACT WHEREABOUTS OF MORRO'S MEXICAN HIDEAWAY, PROFESSOR MITCHUM'S LOST PASSPORT, AND CHUCK'S OBVIOUS RESURRECTION SOUTH OF THE BOARDER.

TWO GOVERNMENT SCIENTISTS (WHOM I SUSPECT TO BE CHEMICAL ENGINEERS) HAVE BEEN INSPECTING A VERY LARGE WALL MIRROR WITH HEAVILY BEVELED EDGES ORNATELY DECORATED WITH GOLD-PAINTED ROSES, TINY FROGS, AND CRYSANTHEMUMS. THE CHEMICAL ENGINEER-TYPES KEEP TESTING THAT MIRROR WITH SOME SORT OF SOLVENT. ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MIRRORS THAT I HAVE EVER SEEN, IT IS A SORT OF CONGRATULATORY SOUVENIR SENT TO THE COLLEGE BY MITCHUM AFTER CHUCK'S REVIVAL AT THE HANDS OF A QUECHUA-SPEAKING CURANDERO ( A PERUVIAN SHAMAN).

THE MIRROR, SUPPOSEDLY TRAVELING BY FREIGHTER THAT SANK NOT TOO FAR OFFSHORE FROM WHERE MAJOR FROLICKING AND MAYHEM OCCURRED NEAR MORRO'S LODGE, WAS ONE OF THE PARCELS RESCUED BY MEANS OF TWO OTHER MEXICAN NAVY BOATS PASSING IN THE AREA. FOR SOME REASON, GOVERNMENT AGENTS KEEP ASKING WHY THESE PARCELS TRAVELED BY WAY OF PERU VIA MEXICO.

WHEN THIS LARGE PARCEL ARRIVED, IT TOOK 6 FELLOWS FROM THE MOTOR POOL TO HAUL IT INTO THE OFFICE. THE NOTE MITCHUM ATTACHED SAID HE WANTED IT HUNG IN THE MAIN FOYER. BUT WE'LL BE LUCKY IF THE MAINTENANCE CREW CAN HANG IT AT ALL BECAUSE IT"S SO HUGE. ONE OF THE WHEELS POPPED OFF THE DOLLY, AND IT ROLLED INTO THE WATER COOLER, KNOCKED IT OVER, AND WE WERE SWIMMING BEFORE WE COULD SAY "TENNIS ANYONE."

THEN THE AGENTS TOLD ME NOT TO MOVE, SO I QUICKLY HOPPED NEXT TO MY TRUSTY UNDERWOOD AND SHUTTLED THIS MISSIVE OFF.

HOW SUE SUE? (SIGH.) SO-SO.
TOODLES.

SINCERELY,
SUE SUE APPLEGATE
ASSISTANT TO SECURITY CHIEF HOPPER


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