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Sailor walks into a bar . . .

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Fossy
Posts: 566
Joined: April 29th, 2010, 8:13 pm
Location: Cairns, Qld., Australia

Re: Sailor walks into a bar . . .

Postby Fossy » October 31st, 2013, 10:24 pm

There have been many jokes about dumb blondes.

This story is about a beautiful blonde (are'nt they all?) who is passionately in love with her husband. And what a husband, he gave her everything she could want, jewels, furs, etc. He even kept her from the foggy foggy dew several times a day.

But one day they had a blue, and she decided that he not only could sleep alone, but that she would go home to Mother. The next day she realised that not only was he being deprived, but she was, too! So she would go home and surprise him. Their reunion would be so beautiful, and they would never fight again.
She entered her home, and to her surprise she found half a dozen naked ladies queued up at the bedroom door. The now angry blonde pulled out a gun, and the ladies bolted, jumping out windows, running out the door, one hiding behind the couch, and another under the kitchen table.

When she entered the bedroom, she found her husband in bed with the woman next door, who, on seeing the angry blonde with a gun jumped out the window and ran home. The blonde was so upset that she decided to take her own life. Her husband begged forgiveness, saying he would never do it again.

I know you won`t , said the blonde as she put the gun to her head, you`re next!

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Fossy
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Joined: April 29th, 2010, 8:13 pm
Location: Cairns, Qld., Australia

Re: Sailor walks into a bar . . .

Postby Fossy » November 2nd, 2013, 4:13 pm

You know you are getting old when you feel bad in the morning—without having had any fun the night before.

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Fossy
Posts: 566
Joined: April 29th, 2010, 8:13 pm
Location: Cairns, Qld., Australia

Re: Sailor walks into a bar . . .

Postby Fossy » November 21st, 2013, 3:46 am

INNER PEACE


If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones
are too busy to give you any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without alcohol,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!

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Fossy
Posts: 566
Joined: April 29th, 2010, 8:13 pm
Location: Cairns, Qld., Australia

Re: Sailor walks into a bar . . .

Postby Fossy » December 18th, 2013, 11:45 pm

>
>
> New definition for S.O.S.
>

>>
> A C-130 was lumbering along when a cocky F-16 flashed by.
>
> The jet jockey decided to show off.
>
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> The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, 'watch this!'
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> and promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb.
>>
> He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier.
>
> The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that?
>>
> >
> The C-130 pilot said, 'That was impressive, but watch this!'
>
> The C-130 droned along for about 5 minutes and then the C-130
>
> pilot came back on and said : 'What did you think of that?'
>
> Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, 'What the heck did you do?'
>
> The C-130 pilot chuckled.
> 'I stood up, stretched my legs, walked to the back,
> took a leak, then got a cup of coffee and
> a cinnamon roll.'
>
> When you are young & foolish - speed & flash may seem a good thing!
>
> When you get older & smarter -
>
> comfort & dull is not such a bad thing!
>
> We older folks understand this one, it's called S.O.S.
>
> Slower, Older and Smarter....
>
>
>
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Professional Tourist
Posts: 1703
Joined: March 1st, 2009, 7:12 pm
Location: NYC

Re: Sailor walks into a bar . . .

Postby Professional Tourist » February 5th, 2014, 6:53 pm

Masha, I never heard that one before. That's good. :lol: :lol:

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Rita Hayworth
Posts: 10098
Joined: February 6th, 2011, 4:01 pm

Re: Sailor walks into a bar . . .

Postby Rita Hayworth » February 6th, 2014, 8:25 am

Loved it Masha ... very original :)

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Rita Hayworth
Posts: 10098
Joined: February 6th, 2011, 4:01 pm

Re: Sailor walks into a bar . . .

Postby Rita Hayworth » February 8th, 2014, 4:53 pm

Masha wrote:An Indian chief had three wives.

The first gave birth to a boy. Elated, the chief built her a tepee of deer hide.

The second gave birth, also to a boy. He built her a tepee of antelope hide.

The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details secret. He built this one a two-story tepee made of hippopotamus hide.

No one could guess what had happened. Finally, a brave guessed the third wife had had twin boys. "Correct," said the chief. "How did you know?" Said the warrior, "It's elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides."



This is funny and thanks for giving us a good laugh!

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Rita Hayworth
Posts: 10098
Joined: February 6th, 2011, 4:01 pm

Re: Sailor walks into a bar . . .

Postby Rita Hayworth » March 19th, 2014, 4:09 pm

Simple but a goodie!


Question: ... Can February March?


Answer: ... No, but April May!


Learned of this at a lunch today with a friend of mine ...

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Fossy
Posts: 566
Joined: April 29th, 2010, 8:13 pm
Location: Cairns, Qld., Australia

Re: Sailor walks into a bar . . .

Postby Fossy » March 24th, 2014, 7:39 pm

Daughter to Mum--What`s it like to have the greatest daughter in the world?

Mum to Daughter--I don`t know, you`ll have to ask Grandma!

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knitwit45
Posts: 4719
Joined: May 4th, 2007, 9:33 pm
Location: Gardner, KS

Re: Sailor walks into a bar . . .

Postby knitwit45 » April 3rd, 2014, 10:53 am

Well, it finally happened...


hus on first.jpg
hus on first.jpg (33.94 KiB) Viewed 870 times
"Life is not the way it's supposed to be.. It's the way it is..
The way we cope with it, is what makes the difference." ~ Virginia Satir
""Most people pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it." ~ Soren Kierkegaard


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