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Sailor walks into a bar . . .

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MissGoddess
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Re: Sailor walks into a bar . . .

Postby MissGoddess » April 3rd, 2014, 11:09 am

HA!!!!
"There's only one thing that can kill the movies, and that's education."
-- Will Rogers

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ChiO
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Re: Sailor walks into a bar . . .

Postby ChiO » April 3rd, 2014, 12:11 pm

But it appears that Hu's on third (given his stance and the contour of the grass). If Hu's on third, Watt's on first?
Everyday people...that's what's wrong with the world. -- Morgan Morgan
I love movies. But don't get me wrong. I hate Hollywood. -- Orson Welles
Movies can only go forward in spite of the motion picture industry. -- Orson Welles

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knitwit45
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Re: Sailor walks into a bar . . .

Postby knitwit45 » April 11th, 2014, 10:11 pm

image.jpg
image.jpg (67.57 KiB) Viewed 1719 times
From a FB friend...
"Life is not the way it's supposed to be.. It's the way it is..
The way we cope with it, is what makes the difference." ~ Virginia Satir
""Most people pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it." ~ Soren Kierkegaard

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knitwit45
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Re: Sailor walks into a bar . . .

Postby knitwit45 » April 17th, 2014, 12:54 pm

phpBB [video]
"Life is not the way it's supposed to be.. It's the way it is..
The way we cope with it, is what makes the difference." ~ Virginia Satir
""Most people pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it." ~ Soren Kierkegaard

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Rita Hayworth
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Re: Sailor walks into a bar . . .

Postby Rita Hayworth » April 17th, 2014, 4:45 pm

Thanks for sharing this Knitty, I always loved a good laugh from anybody ... We all can use a good humor now and then! :)

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CineMaven
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Re: Sailor walks into a bar . . .

Postby CineMaven » April 28th, 2014, 10:36 pm

Image

There I was sitting at  the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making tattooed hairy biker  steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

"Well, whatcha'  gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I  burst into tears.

"Come on, man," the  biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can`t  stand to see a man crying."

"This is the  worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete  failure.  I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't  have any insurance.  I left my wallet in  the cab I took home.  I found my wife with another man and then my dog bit me."

"So  I came to this bar to work up the courage to put  an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a  capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you show up and drink the whole  thing!  

But enough about me, how's your day going?"

***************************
"You build my gallows high, baby."

http://www.megramsey.com

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Fossy
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Re: Sailor walks into a bar . . .

Postby Fossy » May 12th, 2014, 5:19 am

Science Fact

If you took all the veins and all the arteries from your body and laid them end to end you would die.

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Fossy
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Re: Sailor walks into a bar . . .

Postby Fossy » May 13th, 2014, 4:03 am

I was in the lift, and when a lady with an ample bosom walked in, I could not help staring.

She said please press 1.

So I did.

When I came to she was gone.

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Fossy
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Re: Sailor walks into a bar . . .

Postby Fossy » June 17th, 2014, 8:58 pm

He—Hello, What`s your name?
She--!@#$%^&*
He—That`s an unusual name, you don`t hear that very often!
She—Actually I hear it every day!

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CineMaven
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Re: Sailor walks into a bar . . .

Postby CineMaven » June 19th, 2014, 11:30 pm

LOL!!! :lol:
"You build my gallows high, baby."

http://www.megramsey.com

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moira finnie
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Re: Sailor walks into a bar . . .

Postby moira finnie » June 21st, 2014, 9:30 am

Oh, that was rich. Thanks, Fossy and Masha for your contributions. You made me laugh pretty hard with each of your jests.
Avatar: Frank McHugh (1898-1981)]

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Fossy
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Re: Sailor walks into a bar . . .

Postby Fossy » August 2nd, 2014, 5:52 pm

I met a fairy today who said she would grant me one wish.

"I want to live forever," I said.

"Sorry," said the fairy, "but I am not allowed to grant that particular wish."





"Fine," I said, "Then I want to die when England wins the World Cup."

"You crafty xxxxxx!" said the fairy.

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Fossy
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Re: Sailor walks into a bar . . .

Postby Fossy » August 5th, 2014, 3:39 am

A man walked in to the pet shop and asked for ten bees.

The assistant put the bees in a jar.

The man paid for them, and turned to leave. He counted the bees and realised that a mistake had been made.

He returned to the assistant and told her that there were eleven bees in the jar.

Yes, said the shop assistant, one is a freebie.


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