I hereby organize the first SSO World Congress.
Posted: May 20th, 2009, 8:38 pm
I hereby organize the SSO World Congress of Good Taste (puns notwithstanding) in an Emergency Meeting seeking resolution on (and refutation of; to be added to the list of previously banned words, including such gems as "subversive," "transgressive," the inhuman combination of the two and, lastly, the phrase "so bad it's good") the use of words of culinary linguistics when applied to film, music, writing and all other forms of art and entertainment which are not, in any way, related to food of any sort, including, but not limited to, fine food, fast food, alcoholic beverages, soft drinks, desserts, pastries, vegetables, fruits, meat, meat alternatives, tv dinners, snacks, chocolate bars, fudge, bread, cereal and etcetera. (Phew, that's one hell of a sentence.)
First up, I would like to table a motion (in the British sense, you sneaky US lawyers you) that forever more bans the use of "delicious" and strips any and all credibility whatsoever any offenders, regardless of whether they possess a clean background or they are repeat violators, may or may not (emphasis on may not) possess. These crimes against the Queen's English will no longer be tolerated.
What say you, friends of mine, purveyors of class and taste, drinkers of the only fine Oasis water on the arid pop culture desert planet Arrakis, do we stand and fight these... these... these cultureless philistines bastardizing all that is good and decent in the world, these talentless hacksmiths tearing Andre Bazin's good work apart paragraph by paragraph, word by word, ensuring that his grave will never be stilled as it is riled day in and day out, year after year, by the childish self-referential troglodytes-posing-as-intellectuals-posing-as-everymen that demean and debase the very notion that film is representative of our culture, our societies, our very souls... What say you, comrades in arms? Is this not a war worth waging, worth sending our men off to foreign soils (see: New York, to punch AO Scott and Peter Travers in the face, then to leave a signed cast picture from Clerks 2 on Joel Siegel's grave) where they will surely die, most likely from having contracted The Stupid (tm) from the countless unwashed masses, easily mistaken for a zombie horde?
I say... Yes, It Is Worth It!
All rise, can I get an Aye from all you believers in the world Frank Zappa knew we could create! All right then. Can I get a Nay from all you Mary Whitehouses, most likely who listen to Country and Western, most definitely who enjoy American Idol...
What say YOU, friends of the revolution?
First up, I would like to table a motion (in the British sense, you sneaky US lawyers you) that forever more bans the use of "delicious" and strips any and all credibility whatsoever any offenders, regardless of whether they possess a clean background or they are repeat violators, may or may not (emphasis on may not) possess. These crimes against the Queen's English will no longer be tolerated.
What say you, friends of mine, purveyors of class and taste, drinkers of the only fine Oasis water on the arid pop culture desert planet Arrakis, do we stand and fight these... these... these cultureless philistines bastardizing all that is good and decent in the world, these talentless hacksmiths tearing Andre Bazin's good work apart paragraph by paragraph, word by word, ensuring that his grave will never be stilled as it is riled day in and day out, year after year, by the childish self-referential troglodytes-posing-as-intellectuals-posing-as-everymen that demean and debase the very notion that film is representative of our culture, our societies, our very souls... What say you, comrades in arms? Is this not a war worth waging, worth sending our men off to foreign soils (see: New York, to punch AO Scott and Peter Travers in the face, then to leave a signed cast picture from Clerks 2 on Joel Siegel's grave) where they will surely die, most likely from having contracted The Stupid (tm) from the countless unwashed masses, easily mistaken for a zombie horde?
I say... Yes, It Is Worth It!
All rise, can I get an Aye from all you believers in the world Frank Zappa knew we could create! All right then. Can I get a Nay from all you Mary Whitehouses, most likely who listen to Country and Western, most definitely who enjoy American Idol...
What say YOU, friends of the revolution?