Resolution of Security #811: The Harryhausen/Meredith Abduct

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Resolution of Security #811: The Harryhausen/Meredith Abduct

Post by klondike »

Hey Gang!

Thought I'd kick off this new Home for CCC busines with a repeat of my last CCC posting, which went up over at the Yahoo Refugee site, so might have been missed by some of our Campus devotees.
To boot, it's more comfortably readable here, minus that annoying "column" restructure that Yahoo insists on!
Viva l'Academie!

Pr. Klondike 8)

CCC Staff Memo

To: Dean Finnie
From: Equestrian Staff Instructor, Ben Johnson


Allow me please to explain right at the outset here, wording-up an
official memo, for me, is about as simple as translating
Pelopennesian, or what have you, so, fair warning, you'll likely have
your work cut-out for you as you slog through this, and my sincere
apologies for that, but it was a duty thrust upon me, so to speak.
So, like as not, you've received the glad tidings that Prs.
Harryhausen & Meredith are back safe and sound, and were probably
expecting a formal report from Bill Hopper from Security about all
the details, but as he's gone & got his leg broke, and is laid up in
a cast over to his bachelor pad at the Standish Arms on North Campus
Ave, he put the job to me!
I tried to squirrel out on him, told him to tap ol' Big Boy
("Williams is about as literate as a one-eyed gorilla with a
hangover!"), or one of his Security Officers ("McGraw's gone
undercover, Renault's on sabbatical, and no-one else has tenure to
file reports!"), but he had reasons to shoot down every excuse I
could think of, so here I be!
Anyway, Woody & Bill & Guinn & I were commiserating down at the
motorpool yesterday, with Frankie Jenks & ol' "Windy" Armstrong, and
who should come reeling by, all sweat & laughter, but Prs. Mitchum &
Douglas (Kirk all gusseted-up as Spartacus, and Mitchum just
uncorking a bottle of that vile Chilean port that Chuck Heston
brought back from Peru), and dang it, I took exception to all their
folderol, and told `em `twas a sad turn they were out scootin' around
like High Roman jackanapes with Ray & Burgess held prisoner
somewhere, and that sure enough vinegared their sugarplums, and
everybody was swappin' frowns, and then Woody says as how it were a
shame there weren't some way to lure Boone out to where we could nab
him, and make him fess up, and Kirk's eyes light right up, and he
says you can always trap a man in his own vanities, and Bob M. opines
as how Boone's only conceited about every single thing intellectual,
like chess & classical music & Shakespeare, & Medieval military
history . . and then I recalled as how Station Manager Pete Smith,
over at the Campus Radio Station (KCCC), hosted an early evening
Classical Music show for broadcast, and I figured as how I'd bet hard-
money that a gold-plated snob like Boone would be listening every
day, without fail . . and then Kirk says "There's our trap, Boys!"
So, he makes a quick call to Smitty over at the Studio, and off we
pack Armstrong with a copy of "Hamlet", with lots of special margin
notes, and in-between Pete spinnin' platters of Mozart & Handl, Bob's on
the mike quotin' the Immortal Bard, but all wrong, savvy? He's got
the wording all turnt-round backwards, and the meter's draggin' where
it oughtn't, and he's leavin' out lines left & right, as only
old "Windy" could, blusterin' away like the Sage of the Ages, and the
switchboard's all lit-up, and Smitty's apologizing to beat the band
to all these Ivy-Leaguers (no offense) calling in, but when he
recognizes Boone's voice on one of those lines, he up & tells him
that HE'S crazy, and he is just plumb wrong, and he can't know too
dang much about the REAL Bill Shakespeare! Well, that lights ol'
Dick's fuse and no mistakin', and then Smith ups & tells him he's
full o' Hot Air, and why don't he come down to the Station and lodge
his complaints in person!
And did that work like a charm? I guess it did! Here comes the one &
only Mr. R. Boone, Esq., steamin' right up to the broadcast booth in
the Performing Arts Gallery, decked out in the silliest false-beard
imaginable, replete with sunglasses and slouch fedora and prairie
duster (he could take a lesson from Pr. Ross Martin over in Theatre
Arts!), and it didn't fool Smitty for 2 seconds, so he fires his
starter pistol to signal us, and Boone, seeing that his jig is
airborne, why he tears loose his "big disguise", and tries to beat
feet for the Horticulture Park, and Kirk vaults the hedge in front of
him, and gets bowled right over for his trouble. Well, Guinn manages to cut off Boone's route of escape at that point, but we didn't figure on ol' Dicky having kyped one of Dr. Marshall Thompson's trank pistols from the Veterinary Lab, and dam' if he don't fire all 4 darts right into Big Boy's barrel chest, and a step or 3 later, Night Watchman William's going down like a cross-eyed rhino. But what the dynamic Dr. Boone hadn't foreseen was the breakaway foot speed of our buddy Mr. Strode, and I'm here to tell ya, that Man can Move! Those two hard-muscled arms slammed around ol' Boone from behind like the bars of an Iron Maiden, pinning his arms solid and hoisting him right off his feet.
Now, I won't hazard a guess where that contest would've gone in time
(they are both very powerful men!), but thankfully Bob Mitchum wasted
no time in moving right in and applying one of his celebrated
collarbone chops, which worked to douse Boone's lights immediately.
After cuffing Boone's wrists, Bill went over to see to Guinn, who was
perfectly content to go skipping through Slumberland w/ Little Nemo;
and it was while trying to transport the Sleeping Giant back to the
Security Office utilizing the Fireman's Carry, that Bill lost his
footing on the slope above the Berkley Duckpond, and landed in a
painful tangle at the bottom, pinned under the still snoring Big Boy,
and with a badly broken leg.
As for Dr. Boone, Frankie Jenks revived him with an ammonia rag, and
courtesy of Prs. Price & Carradine from the Psyche Dept., he was
interrogated under deep hypnosis, and divulged that Prs. Harryhausen
& Meredith were billeted in a ratty apartment in Buffalo, supposedly
monitoring obscure radio signals for evidence of secret, coded
transmissions from Nazi spies, all the while believing they were on
assignment for the O.S.S., having no idea they were being "ransomed".
(Those two need to "get out" more often, know what I mean?)
So Pr. Price took custody of Dr. Boone, sans cuffs, but still
hypnotized, promising that he'd get the correct psyche treatment for
his "issues", and we dispatched Frankie J. in a staff car to fetch
back our two hornswaggled Academics from their "secret headquarters"
in the boondocks of Buffalo, and Doc Kildare sent an ambulance for
Bill and the blissfully napping Guinn.
(Ain't sure about those 3 "medics", though . . . they looked to me a
lot like that trio of imbeciles who had the dog-washing business over
in the Ag Dept.!)
Anyway, Strode & Mitchum left then, heading back for the "Evening
Bacchanalia" on the South Quad, so Armstrong & Douglas & I took over
the Security Office, and were there to welcome back our 2 "kidnapped"
Professors when Frankie delivered them home, and together we gave
them both a very gentle debriefing (as Bill would call it); Pr.
Meredith toddled off to catch up with a pal of his named Serling (a
writer, I think he said); but Ray hung around, wanting to reminisce
with Armstrong & myself about our time together in Africa when Bob
was putting together his "Safari" nightclub attractions; he also got
quite excited when he saw Kirk in his gladiator togs, and insisted on
calling him "Jason", to which Douglas kept repeating (more irritably
every time) "No, I'M Spartacus!" Pr. H. was also adamant on seeing
Bill Hopper, kept chattering about meeting him after some secret
space mission that ended up acquainting them in Italy (?), so I
promised to call Bill for him later (that being today), and that
perhaps we could visit him then at his apartment.
And that is what I did; but Bill told me that we'd have to raincheck
the visit, as a certain Miss Hayworth was coming over to "play nurse"
for him tonight, and was bringing with her a pair of crutches AND a
pair of binoculars, all of which she'd borrowed from Pr. Stewart, who
advised that Bill use this "downtime" to get to know his neighbors.
And Bill said he just might do EXACTLY that, as he'd notice that the
tenant directly across from his back window was acting kind of
peculiar . . heavy-set guy, dark hair . . Bill said he looked a lot
like this lawyer-guy he used to work for back in L.A. . . .
Well, that's all the blow I got in my sails . . sorry to drag on so
bad . . .
See you down by the corrals!


Ben J.
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Dean Finnie Frock Fracas Featured in Costume "Malfunction"
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