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Sailor walks into a bar . . .

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knitwit45
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Postby knitwit45 » May 1st, 2008, 9:33 am

Aw, Chris, my face hurts from laughing and groaning at all those wonderful lines! My puns are silly, those are witty beyond measure. Thanks for the link.

Nancy

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knitwit45
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Location: Gardner, KS

Postby knitwit45 » May 1st, 2008, 9:40 am

oooh,love that one! I have a friend who literally drops to the ground when I present her with a really good pun, and I can hear her hitting the turf right now!!!!
Thanks, Judith.

Hollis
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Postby Hollis » May 1st, 2008, 11:51 am

Hi Nancy and all,

Those are indeed, extremely clever puns. They remind me of a well crafted crossword puzzle, where all the answers fall perfectly into place. If you enjoy crosswords as much as I do, check out Merl Reagle, a six time National Crossword Author Champion. His weekly puzzle is available for free in the magazine section of the Sunday Los Angeles Times. Go to

"http://games.latimes.com/index_crossword.html?uc_feature_code=lamag"

and enjoy! They're definitely a cut above your average crossword. Each is themed and might even involve the use of a symbol in lieu of a letter, or have an entire sentence woven through the puzzle. the trick is figuring out what he means by way of the theme. And if someone can refresh my memory as to how to put a link into one of these postings, please do!

And now, to appeal to the lowest common denominator - At my last checkup, the Doc asked me if I ever smoked after sex. I answered, "I don't know, I've never looked!"

As always,

Hollis

melwalton
Posts: 508
Joined: October 14th, 2007, 5:58 pm

N F L

Postby melwalton » May 1st, 2008, 12:02 pm

Hi, Hollis.
Yes, the Giants played at the Polo Grounds. I can't say when. They may have played at Yankee Stadium at one time,. Not sure. I was at the Polo Grounds many times but only for baseball.
Trying to recall some Eagle games but my memory is a lot less than 100 %
I do recall one where the Giants were leading with one play remaining and instead of kneeling with the ball. the Giant QB ( might've been Pilarcik? ) handed off to a defensive player who promtly scored the winning Td. As you say, nobody's perfect but GOOD GRIEF! .... mel


platitudes don't win ball games
Nor do Quarterbacks who give the ball away.

melwalton
Posts: 508
Joined: October 14th, 2007, 5:58 pm

puns

Postby melwalton » May 1st, 2008, 12:23 pm

Nancy
you started off my day with some belly laughs.
How'd you manage to come up with so many great ones? .... mel

jdb1

Postby jdb1 » May 1st, 2008, 12:34 pm

I remembered another pun, but I always hesitate to write/tell it generally, because it requires a nodding acquaintance with what is now obscure American poetry. I imagine this erudite group will understand. It goes like this:

Mr. Chan had a shop that sold Eastern curios - statues, wood carvings and other articles from China. One day a circus came into town, and its big star was Oscar, the Bear With Human Feet. Oscar escaped his cage and wandered along the street. He saw a very realistic-looking small bear in Mr. Chan's window - it was carved from precious teak wood and was very valuable. Oscar pushed the door open, grabbed the teak bear in his mouth, and ran off. Mr. Chan ran after Oscar, shouting "Come back, come back, boyfoot bear with teak of Chan!"

(Make sense to you?)

melwalton
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Joined: October 14th, 2007, 5:58 pm

puns

Postby melwalton » May 1st, 2008, 1:29 pm

Good one Judith.
I'm trying to remember, was that Whittier? Hey, I unconsciously come up with a pun. I honestly didn't realize it till I read it.
Off topic, I loved 'Barefoot Boy with Cheek' (was that Max Shulman?) And, before leaving "Maud Muller (that's Whittier ) is my favorite poem. Enough off topic, ..... mel

latitudes don't win ballgames

I decided not to correct the typo, heck it might br true

melwalton
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Joined: October 14th, 2007, 5:58 pm

puns

Postby melwalton » May 1st, 2008, 1:57 pm

Good ones, Chris. ... mel

Platitudes don't win ballgames

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Ayres
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Postby Ayres » May 1st, 2008, 2:13 pm

This one is rather gentle, but it has a movie theme, and of course I like it!

Fred Astaire, Gene Kelly and George Murphy were sharing a limousine to a party. A short distance from their destination, however, they found to their dismay that a bridge they needed to cross had collapsed, leaving them across a wide and fast-flowing river from the house where the party was.

Undeterred, Fred declared, "We're dancers! We'll dance across!" Having spoken, he gathered himself, spun around a couple of times, and nimbly danced across the surface of the river.

Gene agreed, "Good idea, Fred!" He jumped up and also danced with ease across the surface of the water.

George Murphy said to himself, "What Fred and Gene can do, I can do too!" So he took a deep breath, jumped out onto the water--and promptly sank. Not wanting to lose out, he climbed out, took another deep breath, leaped--and promptly sank again.

Across the river, Fred and Gene watched as George kept falling in and
climbing out and falling in. Finally Gene turned to Fred and said, "Do you
think we should tell him where the stones are?"

Fred looked at Gene, puzzled, and said, "What stones?!"

jdb1

Re: puns

Postby jdb1 » May 1st, 2008, 2:59 pm

melwalton wrote:Good one Judith.
I'm trying to remember, was that Whittier? Hey, I unconsciously come up with a pun. I honestly didn't realize it till I read it.
Off topic, I loved 'Barefoot Boy with Cheek' (was that Max Shulman?) And, before leaving "Maud Muller (that's Whittier ) is my favorite poem. Enough off topic, ..... mel

latitudes don't win ballgames

I decided not to correct the typo, heck it might br true


Yes, you are right, Mel, the pun is based on John Greenleaf Whittier's poem, "Barefoot Boy With Cheek of Tan."

"Blessings upon thee, little man!
Barefoot boy, with cheek of tan."

Such things were still current when I was a kid, at least in my elders' circles. I do remember that we were required to learn the poem "Trees" by heart when I was in the fourth grade ("I think that I shall never see/A poem lovely as a tree" Sheesh). But by my time, Whittier was considered passe. Personally, I'm with you - the Shulman opus is way better.

Hollis
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Postby Hollis » May 1st, 2008, 4:05 pm

Hi again Mel.

In Philly, we not only remember that game, we refer to it as "The Miracle of the Meadowlands." The date was November 19, 1978. Leading by a score of 17-12 with only seconds remaining on the clock, Joe Pisarceik, rather than taking a knee, handed off to Larry Csonka, who promptly fumbled the handoff. It was recovered by cornerback Herman Edwards (now head coach of the Chiefs) who ran it in untouched from 26 yards out for the score. It happened in week 12 and was their 7th win of the season. They won again the next week (but I don't recall over who,) lost the next two, and then beat the Giants again in week 16 by a score of 20-3 to nail down a wildcard spot in the playoffs with a 9 and 7 record. It was their first trip to the postseason since back in 1960 when they won the league championship (in pre Super Bowl days) by beating Vince Lombardi's Packers. It may just be the biggest win in the modern Philadelphia Eagles era. Since that season, they've won far more than they've lost. We've been to two Super bowls but alas, remain unfulfilled in our quest for that Pete Rozelle Trophy. Like they say in baseball, ""Just wait 'til next year!"
Your memory is still pretty good my friend! And congrats on this year's Super Bowl victory. You did what we couldn't. In XXXIX, we lost 24-21 to the Patsies. Close, but no cigar.

As always,

Hollis

p.s. I know you have some years on me and they seem to have been good to you. I don't think they'll treat me nearly as well! That game was 30 years ago! And if you don't deserve perfection, who does?

melwalton
Posts: 508
Joined: October 14th, 2007, 5:58 pm

puns

Postby melwalton » May 1st, 2008, 6:30 pm

I think you might have missed one, Judith. WITTY er? no? Oh well.
Enjoyable topic .... mel

melwalton
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sports

Postby melwalton » May 1st, 2008, 7:01 pm

Hollis
Congrats on your Flyers win.
The Eagles had an odd year, they pounded somebody ( was it Detroit?.
and looked great. I didn't follow too closely. Were Westbrook and McNabb injured? I did see the first Giant game. The penalties beat Philly.It was flag, flag flag. I recall thinking. 'these guys are pros, don't they know the rules?
Next season should be something, we have the strongest division by far. the Giants were all charged up for the playoffs and I"m waiting to see what they look like when the charge wears off. .... MEL

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Bogie
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Re: sports

Postby Bogie » May 1st, 2008, 7:50 pm

melwalton wrote:Hollis
Congrats on your Flyers win.
The Eagles had an odd year, they pounded somebody ( was it Detroit?.
and looked great. I didn't follow too closely. Were Westbrook and McNabb injured? I did see the first Giant game. The penalties beat Philly.It was flag, flag flag. I recall thinking. 'these guys are pros, don't they know the rules?
Next season should be something, we have the strongest division by far. the Giants were all charged up for the playoffs and I"m waiting to see what they look like when the charge wears off. .... MEL


Well we all know penalties can be overcome. Just look at the Raiders of the '70s and '80s :D

Hollis
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Joined: April 15th, 2007, 4:38 pm

Postby Hollis » May 1st, 2008, 8:21 pm

Good evening again Mel,

It was in fact Detroit. I think the final was something like 56-13 or something very lopsided. McNabb and Westbrook both spent a fair amount of time on the DL last year and we had to play A J Feeley in McNabb's place. Of course, there really is no way to make up for the loss of a Brian Westbrook. He's just too talented and multi-dimensional. Even with the time on the DL, he still led the league in all purpose yards from scrimmage. And believe it or not, the knock on him was that he wouldn't be durable enough to be a starting RB in the NFL! Shows how much the "experts" know, doesn't it? You're right about the NFC East. As much as I hate to admit it, it looks like the Cowgirls are on the comeback trail. It did this boy's heart a lot of good to see the Birds hold them to 3 points late in the season and then watch the Giants bounce them from the playoff picture. In Philly, everybody hates Dallas! But like they say, on any given Sunday...

You're right Bogie, the 1980 Raiders (before Al Davis succumbed to senility) became the first wildcard team to ever reach, and win, the Super Bowl, beating my beloved Eagles in SB XV in New Orleans, 27-10. Oh well...

As always,

Hollis


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