NAncy ... Chris
Good ones.
Nancy, I was born in 1919 but didn't start drinking until later.
In one of W. C. Fields movies, a woman used that line, "Lips that touch alcohol shall never touch mine' and Fields replied. 'That'll be a dandy arrangement'. Fields led a clean life, never rouched a cigarette before he was nine. ,.,.,.,. mel
Sailor walks into a bar . . .
Mel, it's good to know you started drinking later...you've made my laugh for the day. How's it going? Are you being a good boy and USING THAT WALKER?? Hope so, I know it's a pain in the ol patootie, but the more you walk, the sooner you heal.
have a great afternoon
Nancy
have a great afternoon
Nancy
"Life is not the way it's supposed to be.. It's the way it is..
The way we cope with it, is what makes the difference." ~ Virginia Satir
""Most people pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it." ~ Soren Kierkegaard
The way we cope with it, is what makes the difference." ~ Virginia Satir
""Most people pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it." ~ Soren Kierkegaard
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jdb1
I thought of some silly "Knock Knocks" from my checkered past:
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Joe Namath.
Joe Namath who?
Joe Namath not on the door. That's why I had to knock!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Oswald.
Oswald who?
Yipes, Oswald my gum!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Mort.
Mort who?
Mort to the point, who are you?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Joe Namath.
Joe Namath who?
Joe Namath not on the door. That's why I had to knock!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Oswald.
Oswald who?
Yipes, Oswald my gum!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Mort.
Mort who?
Mort to the point, who are you?
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jdb1
Say, did you hear about the scandal at the Royal House of Tuber? The King and Queen Potato wouldn't let their daughter, Princess Sweet Potato, date Jeff Greenfield, because he's a commentator.
[Think about it. . . . . . ]
(This one is so old that when I first heard it, the boyfriend in question was Paul Harvey.)
[Think about it. . . . . . ]
(This one is so old that when I first heard it, the boyfriend in question was Paul Harvey.)
knock, knock
Who's there?
Sam and Janet
Sam and Janet who?
Sam and Janet Evening
dang it, now I'll sing that all afternoon.....sigh.....
Who's there?
Sam and Janet
Sam and Janet who?
Sam and Janet Evening
dang it, now I'll sing that all afternoon.....sigh.....
"Life is not the way it's supposed to be.. It's the way it is..
The way we cope with it, is what makes the difference." ~ Virginia Satir
""Most people pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it." ~ Soren Kierkegaard
The way we cope with it, is what makes the difference." ~ Virginia Satir
""Most people pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it." ~ Soren Kierkegaard
movieman1957 wrote: "??????" I said.
ok, I'll bite...how do you pronounce "???????"
Last edited by knitwit45 on May 30th, 2008, 1:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"Life is not the way it's supposed to be.. It's the way it is..
The way we cope with it, is what makes the difference." ~ Virginia Satir
""Most people pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it." ~ Soren Kierkegaard
The way we cope with it, is what makes the difference." ~ Virginia Satir
""Most people pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it." ~ Soren Kierkegaard
A kindergarten teacher happens to notice one of her young pupils busily drawing a picture.
"Whose picture are you drawing, sweetie?" The little girl looks up and says, "It's a picture of God, ma'am."
"But honey," the teacher says, "nobody knows what God looks like."
The little girl replies, "They will now!"
"Whose picture are you drawing, sweetie?" The little girl looks up and says, "It's a picture of God, ma'am."
"But honey," the teacher says, "nobody knows what God looks like."
The little girl replies, "They will now!"
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movieman1957
- Administrator
- Posts: 5522
- Joined: April 15th, 2007, 3:50 pm
- Location: MD
Chris said:
Now, if it was "Hit the ball, drag Elmer." - now that's funny.
I had an uncle who died of a heart attack on the golf course, and all I can say is, "If you gotta go, there ain't any better place!"
As an overweight, physically-unfit golfer, I find nothing funny about this joke."How was your day?" she asked.
"Awful," he replied. "Charlie had a heart attack on the 11th hole."
"That's terrible" she replied.
He answered, "It sure was. Hit the ball, drag Charlie. Hit the ball, drag Charlie."
Now, if it was "Hit the ball, drag Elmer." - now that's funny.
I had an uncle who died of a heart attack on the golf course, and all I can say is, "If you gotta go, there ain't any better place!"
"I'm at my most serious when I'm joking." - Dudley
Don't sweat the petty things - don't pet the sweaty things.
Don't sweat the petty things - don't pet the sweaty things.
puns
Hi Nancy.
I'm happy that I gave you a laugh, you've given me so many. I'm still laughing about those 5 blonds.
Yes, I'm being as good as I can but we youngsters have to sow a few wild oats, you know.
So nice talking to you. .... mel
Lincoln said. 'You can fool some of the people some of the time and that's enough
I'm happy that I gave you a laugh, you've given me so many. I'm still laughing about those 5 blonds.
Yes, I'm being as good as I can but we youngsters have to sow a few wild oats, you know.
So nice talking to you. .... mel
Lincoln said. 'You can fool some of the people some of the time and that's enough
puns
Good topic, can't get too many laughs for my money. I especially like those Knock, Knocks. Judy. I recall when they were all the rage but I can't think of any right now. I had to read that one about 'oswald twice. good one, Nancy was right, I've been humming 'Sam an' Janet ev'ning all evening. .... mel
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klondike
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klondike
A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage. When
asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade, listing every problem they had ever since they'd gotten married.
She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness,
loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet
needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up; walked around the desk; and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately.... as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow.
The woman shut up... and quietly sat down, as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?'
The husband thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off
here on Mondays and Wednesdays . . . but on Fridays, I fish.'
asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade, listing every problem they had ever since they'd gotten married.
She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness,
loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet
needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up; walked around the desk; and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately.... as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow.
The woman shut up... and quietly sat down, as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?'
The husband thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off
here on Mondays and Wednesdays . . . but on Fridays, I fish.'
I just found a fabulous exercise program on the internet, and wanted to share it with all of you
Exercise Routine
If you're over 30, you might want to take it easy at first, then do it faster as you become more proficient.
It may be too strenuous for some
Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise program!
SCROLL DOWN...
NOW SCROLL UP..
That's enough for the first day. Great job.
Exercise Routine
If you're over 30, you might want to take it easy at first, then do it faster as you become more proficient.
It may be too strenuous for some
Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise program!
SCROLL DOWN...
NOW SCROLL UP..
That's enough for the first day. Great job.
"Life is not the way it's supposed to be.. It's the way it is..
The way we cope with it, is what makes the difference." ~ Virginia Satir
""Most people pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it." ~ Soren Kierkegaard
The way we cope with it, is what makes the difference." ~ Virginia Satir
""Most people pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it." ~ Soren Kierkegaard