The Silver Screen Oasis

Not your standard film noir.

While walking home from the local supermarket at approximately 2:15pm CST on a beautiful sunny day with two fresh trout for the grill, I cut through the alley about a 1/2 block from our house. I noticed a maroon SUV about two-thirds of the way down, but thought nothing of it (could be just leaving or pulling into a garage, waiting for a local resident, blah blah blah). Then it started backing up. Odd, thinks I. Then two doors fly open and two youths (late-teens) get out. Probably to see a friend or play basketball in the alley, thinks I Pollyannaishly. They walk rapidly toward me. This may not be good, the frontal lobe says. They ask me a question to which I wittily respond, Excuse me?, whereupon one of them responds by breaking a bottle over my head. I immediately bid a fond farewell to my frontal lobe as the primal animal portion of my brain kicks in and I start swinging.

One tries to pull my arms behind me as the other is insisting I inform them of what I have and, as it became clear that my right arm would not be free much longer, I took off my glasses and tossed them on a trash bin (it's such a bother to try to get new glasses, dontcha know). Then the one not holding my arms started administering a beating to the left side of my face (he was a rightie) and continued to inquire -- peppered with various epithets that called into question his knowledge of my relationship with my Mother and his ability to distinguish certain common racial characteristics -- as to what I may have of value. I suggested that they let my arms free and I would give them my money. He apparently thought I was being a wise guy (hmmm...maybe he did know me) and pummeled my face some more. Finally, he took my wallet, but then asked for more, so I mentioned my cell phone. He patted me down and took it. They then tossed my wallet on the ground (they only took the money -- about $50) and ran to the vehicle, which was now at the end of the alley, and sped off.

Results: A big lump on the head, swollen lips, a blood-shot eye (pretty amazing, really). No falling down, no loss of consciousness, no hospital visit. The next day, every muscle above the hips hurt a lot from the struggle, as if I'd been in a car accident. (Maybe you should work out more, sez Mrs. ChiO once she knows I'm physically okay.) The lips turned black & blue a couple of days later. And the middle finger of my right hand -- and only that one -- swelled, ached and turned black & blue (I like to think that's a result of having caught the one guy in the cheek or jaw when I was swinging). Police report: "Robbery/Armed Other Dangerous".

Given time, location, demographics, etc., I am convinced that it was part of a gang initiation; that the robbery was only for the purpose of getting evidence of an assault. The detective (Gang Unit, I assume) who followed up a couple of days later asked that I check with our cell phone provider for any calls made after the assault. Sure enough -- 5 or 6 calls were made to 3 or 4 Chicago numbers between the time of the assault and the provider discontinuing service to the phone.

Will they ever be caught? I doubt it. The worst part is that the following Tuesday, the 4 block walk from the el at 9:30pm after having gone to the Siskel Film Noir series was 4 blocks of constant panic attack. I didn't go this past Tuesday because of that.

I must admit -- and I'm not making this up, which shows the bizarre twists the mind (or, at least mine) can take when under stress -- when the first fist came at me, I thought of the opening sequence of THE NAKED KISS.

There are two million stories in the naked city. This has been one of them.

Hi ChiO,

Good God man, you must be marvellously healthy & fit to withstand an assault like that....
I do hope you received some medical attention, as the long term effects are not known yet...

Here in Calgary last month, an older gentleman was sitting on a park bench minding his own business, when 3 'youtts' hit and kicked him to the ground.
He now is in hospital with permanent brain damage and several broken bones. He was a retired chemical scientist, giving advice on medical research here; now he's relatively "a vegetable'... Horrifying and so unnecessary.
The 'youtts' are still at large - but many here want them hung, if & when found....

My sympathy and empathy to you - - and stay well...

Larry

Oh my god, ChiO! How awful! You really are a brave man, and I agree with Larry, you must be extremely fit. I am so glad you are OK - please make sure by seeing a doctor. Take care of yourself.

I find myself really mad about this and thinking that I wish I had been there as Annie Laurie Starr. But I guess violence used against violence is no answer. It seems to me the worst thing is not the actual event but the aftermath of it.

I wish I could do something. You are too good a man to have something like that happen to you. But I'm glad your hair was not mussed up.

My Lord ChiO, what an ordeal. So glad you are going to be fine. I can't imagine how I would react in a similar situation. No more alleys my friend.

Dear friend, I am so sorry you had to go through this. I totally understand what you are saying about the 4 block panic attack. After the accident I had this past June, I still have a bit of trouble going through that intersection. I am so glad your angels were there to prevent worse damage. I agree with Wendy, violence in response to violence is not the answer....but I hope you got in some really GOOD licks.... Stay out of the alleys my friend!

ChiO, I don't know what I admire more--your moxie in trying to protect yourself or the presence of mind you had to save your glasses. I am so thankful that you are okay, though I don't like the sound of that black and blue finger. Do you think that you might need that examined? I certainly don't want that to interfere with your typing on a keyboard anytime soon.

Regarding the lingering psychological side effects of this incident, I can tell you that in time that fades. It helps, as my subconscious did after 2 muggings and one assault out of nowhere, if you can conjure up a dream of dispatching said miscreants to their just reward. That surprised me, just as did the unbidden watchfulness that emerged whenever I am alone on a street or a parking lot. Please give it time and take it easy. You deserve so much better than this. Btw, do you think that it might help imagining that you have Tim Carey on your right and Whit Bissell on your left when you next have to walk alone at night?

Take care.

If he could outrun Bissell then he would be ok.

Thank you for your kind words. As Moira alluded to and I mentioned to a friend, it is remarkably similar to mourning: First there's the disbelief, then the denial, then the anger...and eventually we get to acceptance.

Btw, do you think that it might help imagining that you have Tim Carey on your right and Whit Bissell on your left when you next have to walk alone at night?

I don't know about the Whitster. How about Timothy Carey and Neville Brand? I'm scared already.

I do know that the next time I see Lee Marvin crumple after getting a beer bottle busted over his head I going to be thinking, Boy, whatta wimp. (He didn't hear that, did he?)

Ha ha!You are tougher than Lee! Yeah!

Owen, my Friend, I am very relieved that you navigated that confrontation smartly, and with the right variety of courage; as ever, I am proud to know you, and grateful that you came to no lasting physical harm.
Having been caught up in altogether too many donnybrooks, in both hemispheres, I know better than most that the spontaneous reality of battery between humans is nearly always stupider, dirtier, crueler, angrier, faster and far more emotionally shocking than pop culture would have one believe. It's been four years since my last knuckle-waltz, and that was very brief, but afterward, the adrenaline surge didn't die down for nearly a week, and that's when I began carrying my old telescoping police baton on my belt . . I still do, 'cause the old gray Klon, he ain't all he used to be.
But that's what works for me . . I cannot recommend it to anyone else, for legal, tactical & moral reasons.
Again, so glad you're OK!!

Your horrible experience has been a lifetime fear of mine living in the New York and Newark region. I am glad you survived with humor still intact.

I have one question. What happened to the trout?


Uncle Stevie

Chio, it sounds like you did all the sensible things. I really appreciate the glasses, as a wearer myself and a fussy one at that I'd hate to lose my specs. The absolute scumbags. Hope your scars are mending.

What happened to the trout?

Well, Uncle Stevie, I was sitting on the rear bumper of the fire truck being attended to by the paramedics and questioned by the police and, when for what seemed the umpteenth time I said, I was walking back from the Jewel, I suddenly said, Hey! Where's my trout?

One of the paramedics walked down the alley, retrieved them still in the shopping bag (apparently the assailants were red meat eaters -- it figures), handed them to me and said, And they're still cold.

I asked Mrs. ChiO to prepare them on the stove, not being in the state of mind to prepare them on the grill myself.

Sauteed in olive oil with a sprig of rosemary from the garden...they were tasty.