The Advice Column

[moira finnie]

I think the listening to music idea is a good one, though I don't have an ipod but a walkman (yes, I'm a dinosaur). I'll try to figure out a way but thank you for that suggestion. I do not ask others for help unless I absolutely have to nor do I think she would be helpful if I needed anything, but I just don't feel comfortable around her. I figure she's liable to blow anytime. I have tried to be of help, offering our hose so that the baby could play in the sprinkler, and giving him a book on his birthday recently. I just don't' know what else to do except keep my distance and wait for the Fall, when she is likely to be outside less of the time.

[charliechaplinfan]

I don't think I'd feel comfortable around her, she's far from the ideal neighbour. It sounds like you've done all the right things to create a warm, neighbourly feeling. She obviously can't pick up on body language if she's continuing to tell you of her love life. It's such a pity that you feel that you can't enjoy the garden without opening yourself up to a conversation that you really don't want to have. Perhaps she'll move on, she hardly sounds the settled type.

[JackFavell]

Moira, I like the music idea too, but if she doesn't take the hint, I think I would try something more drastic.

You should be able to be in your own yard when you want to! It may take some time and I know it sounds cruel, but I think I would literally get up and leave any time she starts talking to you outside about inappropriate things. I would do it abruptly and immediately, always polite but firmly stating that you have to go for whatever reason, a phone call, whatever. After doing this consistently every time she brings up something unpleasant or personal, she may actually take the hint, or maybe she will not even realize but will stop talking about her personal life. Behavior modification can work wonders. Think of it as training her, like you would a dog.

I know it sounds harsh, but my dad's a psychologist. That's why I'm so messed up!

[MissGoddess]

I know it sounds harsh, but my dad's a psychologist. That's why I'm so messed up!

I know the feeling! There should be a club for daughters of shrinks.

[ChiO]

There should be a club for daughters of shrinks

There is. The P-K Club.

Priests'-Kids
Preachers'-Kids
Pastors'-Kids
Psychiatrists'-Kids
Psychologists'-Kids

[moira finnie]

Thanks for the good suggestions, ladies.

I don't think I made it clear in my original post--the only reason I know so damn much about my neighbor's private grievances is because she does stuff like has tantrums in front of me and everyone else who happens to be outside. She talks endlessly about her troubles on the cell phone while pacing up and down around the outside of the house at the top of her lungs and by having fights while I am home. I can literally hear her through the walls and I don't want to. Our conversations have been started by me, like when I suggested a walk for her as a stress reliever after she flipped out one day and I couldn't avoid hearing it all. Other than talking to her beautiful little boy (who is such a nice kid, I wish he could rent the place all by himself), I just try to be civil ("Hi" and "Bye" while dashing to the car) and avoid her, but she's ubiquitous.

I do like the music idea and will try cranking the music or telly next time an outburst occurs. Thanks again for your guidance, all.

JF & MIss G., maybe you are the daughters of shrinks (and have the psychological scars to prove it) but I think you both have more insights into people than the average person.

[JackFavell]

Oh, I misunderstood! I thought she was just unburdening herself at you every time you had a conversation.

JF & MIss G., maybe you are the daughters of shrinks (and have the psychological scars to prove it) but I think you both have more insights into people than the average person.

And that was very kind of you to say, Moira.

[JackFavell]

MissG, are you sure we aren't sisters?

[MissGoddess]

sisters under the mink, wendy! or cotton, as the weather would have it.

thank you moira, that may not be true in my case but i sure have insight into shrinks!

[charliechaplinfan]

i'm reading al lthe books about dog training at the moment and I read all the books about baby and childrearing, as far as I know there isn't a book about neighbours.

Are there any other neighbours as close as you are to her Moira? Perhaps if you could talk to or take action together then she can't blame one person.

[Sue Sue Applegate]

Moira, this neighbor sounds like she needs her drama, so I would suggest not giving her any.

[CineMaven]

I'm sorry to hear this Moira. Sounds horrible. She needs...craves a lot of attention. Perhaps your landlord can evict her for being a public nuisance. It's a shame that the entire community has to suffer b'cuz of one person.

P.S. As for your Walkman...at least you don't still have eight-track...do you? Get an iPOD.

[charliechaplinfan]

I agree, she seems to thrive on drama and any action against her would have to remain anonymous and done through the landlord or together but even togetherness needs a leader. Listen to your walkman, or divert her, did she hear that birdsong? the frog? the wildlife? can her son hear it? Or when she gets going suddenly say, 'isn't your little xxx looking xxxx? and then start talking to the son with nods to the mother. No mother that I know if can resist her child being made a fuss of. At worst you can be dotty, someone who's only interested in children and animals.

[RedRiver]

"Maybe she was raised by wolves."

I was raised by wolves. It was only a problem at PTA meetings!

[JackFavell]

She would have better manners if she were raised by wolves.