speedracer5 wrote: ↑December 10th, 2022, 5:24 pm
CinemaInternational wrote: ↑December 10th, 2022, 2:59 am
LostHorizons wrote: ↑December 10th, 2022, 12:31 am
To Cinemainternational if you see this, what is the film that reminded you of being manipulated? Were you abused? I can’t imagine reacting this way to any film. I’m sure there is more to it but the “therapy” line from the leader of the site seems like a genuine suggestion and not an insult, in this case.
It was Call Me by Your Name, and it was because of an even earlier horrible time in the internet. I was part of a website as a teen, and I thought all had been going swimmingly, until I had an issue with one member who I realize now was obviously a narcissist. So, I was hurt, because it was the first time I had ever had anyone attack me. And I had obviously made it clear how at loose ends I was. And that was one other person moved in for the kill. I thought he had been a friend, he kept saying what a favorite of his I was. I was naive, took at at face value, but then he started coming at me saying in private discussions of all of his lurid sexual fantasies, with me in the center of them. I was so depressed and so desperate not to lose another friend that I submitted to this endless cyber seduction for several months, even though it unnerved me. I was 17 at the time. He was considerably older; he used my vulnerability to get what he wanted, to abuse me. And then the one I had issues with originally found out about it, and revealed it publicly, to use as a battering ram against me. It was bad, and it made me feel unclean.
Wow. I'm sorry that that happened to you. I'm also sorry for making you discuss it again. People who say rude and nasty things to other people online, because they feel empowered by their sense of anonymity are just cowards--cowards hiding behind an avatar. Depending on how vicious the bullying was, there could be very serious legal repercussions and criminal charges. People are not as anonymous as they think they are. People can be identified and located very easily.
It's OK, don't feel bad about hearing about both of my online horror stories (the via the link to the old TCM boards, the one here). It was bound to come out eventually. As for suing the perpetrators, I know the first name of the guy who took advantage of my 17-year-old naivete and forced his kinky fantasies on me, and the state he was from, but not the exact town or the last name. So, with years under the bridge, and with that site being defunct, the trail would be cold. The person, the narcissist, who found out and made it public, I know all about him, he was very open with his own details. I fought like an alley cat against him, though I am pretty ashamed now of that behavior. He had seemingly hurt several others too. And they were just as mad at him for the most part. The narcissist ended up barreling out right around the same time I fled. The site folded a little over a year later. It was for the best.
As painful as the second incident ( the one featured on the old boards that EP provided a link to) was with the two year ban, it probably didn't leave behind quite as much damage, but it was still extremely painful, especially at the time. I was still tramatized from the first incident, and was trying so hard not to have history repeat itself. It ended up not being an exact repeat, but a close enough facsimile, minus sexual abuse. Maybe it was my frantic quality there that led to it. Well, that plus my desire not to have any part of Hereditary and Call Me by Your Name. But even before that, there had been a few people who had kept putting me in the center of jokes (kept mocking me every few days), and I had provided ammunition by blabbing the horrifying ending of a film a few weeks before its release (2017's mother!, an apocalyptic biblical allegory which featured a scene where a cult was shown dismembering and eating the flesh of a dead baby. Amazingly, it was a major studio offering, with Jennifer Lawrence, Javier Bardem, Ed Harris [as Adam], Michelle Pfeiffer [as Eve], Domhnall Gleeson [as Cain], and as the head of the baby-eaters Kirstin Wiig. I referred to the film by a term that cannot be repeated here.) They took secrets so seriously, and regarded my blabbing that monsterous finale as a crime, and it probably led to me becoming a laughing stock. The sick film was one of their favorite films of 2017, placing in their top 20 in a poll at year's end. and my preference for older films put me at odds in a film group obsessed with current films [even 90s films were considered old there] But it was the Hereditary incident a year later on December 9, 2018 that was what got me knocked out. My anger at being tossed was likely amplified by doing all those labor-intensive polls for that leader who stabbed me in the back, every single week for months.
Since this whole fiasco with these people in the second incident played out over two different sites (it was a group from the old IMDb that filed to two different places when those boards closed), I guess I should reveal that the larger part went down on Facebook. So, of course, names are out there in the open, so they knew my name and what I looked like, and I knew theirs. The guy who was the leader was an English ex-pat who now lives in LA. He viewed himself as a movie expert, but he almost entirely focused on new films, with the older films he had seen largely being Criterion or Oscar bait. He always caimed I watched too many "obscurities". Tellingly, he was barely involved in the group by the time the ban on me was lifted. He now works as a crew member at Letterboxd. Here is a link to his profile on Letterboxd so you can scope him out if you wish:
https://letterboxd.com/jack/. Suffice it to say, he doesn't like to talk to me, and when I did get back, I found out he had trashed me publicly on Facebook, and several were dragging me. I never "defriended" him on Facebook, because I wanted to make sure he wouldn't go after me again.
Still, the two incidents left their mark. In a way, they did a good thing. I was pretty cocky when I was younger, and they helped to disarm that. They probably are the reason why I am more mild-mannered and down to earth today It might be humility learned by the school of hard knicks, but it was for the best. My religion tells me to forgive my enemies, and I still struggle with that a bit, though I still try to do better. Talking about these incidents does not hurt as much as it used to, maybe because I realize that the people here are like family, and I can count on you all. You are kind people and its not an act on your part, and your wisdom and warmth helped me when I needed it the most.